You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
