I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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