i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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