then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
