Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
