I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
