He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What a dumb baby whore.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
