Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
