It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
