god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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