but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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