o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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