my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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