I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just google imaged poop.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
