Your tits are I can't wait for
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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