Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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