those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
