? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
