She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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