She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
