If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
