And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
