you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
