I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
