We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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