i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
jump out the window naked night went bad
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