i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
