How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
