brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You're my little dorito
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
