This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
