Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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