Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude i'm inner monologue high
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
