I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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