goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
