I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
