We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
