so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
