fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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