you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
