WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
