She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
