I didn't shave. On purpose
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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