So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
