the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
this hospital has no fireball
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
