Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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