ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
