if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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