I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
