so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
