party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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