Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize