Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
