So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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