He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize