I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
