So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got inside last night via doggy door
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
