I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I will pee on everything he values.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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