Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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