I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
