Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
