i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
