Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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