...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
