Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
