the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We need a shit load of segways right now
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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