So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
