i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
