You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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