You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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