I wish I could punch you in the face.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
