its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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