oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
