so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
