Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
