in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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